Where is God in our Grief?
In The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis takes his readers through a wardrobe to a world of witches and a heroic lion named Aslan. In Mere Christianity, he takes his readers through an intellectual sparing match with some of the toughest arguments against Christianity. But after his beloved wife, Helen Joy, dies of cancer, Lewis candidly takes his readers through the dark, empty hallways of despair in A Grief Observed.
The level of anguish and grief Lewis experiences and shares surprises some readers. He writes about God’s seeming absence amidst his grief …
… where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms [of grief] ... go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once …”
Lewis’s writing strikes a somber note, similar to many psalms in Scripture – full of anguish, anger, and unanswered questions …
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?”
(Psalm 13:1–2)
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.”
(Psalm 22:1–2)
The Messiness of Grief
A Grief Observed mimics the psalms of lament in many ways. They raise hard questions. They express difficult feelings. They don’t always resolve in a nice and neat way. But that’s the point. Grief isn’t nice and neat. It’s messy. Grief can feel so overwhelming that it can cloud our ability to hear from God. Lewis writes …
I have gradually been coming to feel that the door is no longer shut and bolted. Was it my own frantic need that slammed it in my face? The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just the time when God can’t give it: you are like the drowning man who can’t be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.”
Although Lewis’s grief seems to have hindered his ability to hear from God, Lewis did not stop knocking on heaven’s door. And that’s what faith does – it turns to God, not away from Him.
Like grief, faith can be messy – not always neat and tidy. Faith is not always a mountaintop experience. Sometimes it leads to walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes it brings your broken cries and questions before the Lord. And as Lewis continually pours out his heart and his hurt, he begins to sense God’s presence. He writes …
When I lay these questions before God, I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No Answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though he shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.’”
Grieving with God
Death and heaven raise many questions and difficult feelings, especially for the bereaved. Bring them to the Lord. He can handle your questions, your emotions, your thoughts, your fears, and your sorrows. He encourages us to pour out our hurting hearts to Him, however broken they may be. The Bible says, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8)
The Bible, and in particular the Psalms, is filled with people courageously expressing their difficult feelings. They serve as a model to us for what it looks like to come to God when we feel angry, bitter, confused, depressed, grieved, fearful, or hopeless. C.S. Lewis understood this. His grief and that of the psalmists remind us that no matter what we’re feeling, God invites us to give Him our burdens … “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22).
For the bereaved or for those approaching death, bring whatever you’re feeling before the Lord. Pour your heart out to God and bring your questions and feelings to Him as an act of trust, faith, and obedience. God will not be shocked or surprised. Answers to some questions can be found in His Word. But more important than the what and why behind the pain is the Who.
The Promise of Hope
We may not receive all the answers to our questions in this life. But we have God – His presence, His promises, and His peace. He invites us to come to Him, regardless of how we feel. And we have His Word. We have His promise that in heaven, our pain will melt away, our questions will be answered, and our tears will be wiped away as we live in the light of His love.
“I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’”
(Revelation 21:3–4)
Quotations in this article taken from C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York, NY: Harper One, 1961), 5–6, 46, 69.
More Helpful Resources for You
Video Course on Grief
Grief is one of the most universal experiences, yet it’s often misunderstood and difficult to handle. Processing grief is not a onetime event but a season we walk through with God. This 59-minute video course on Grief can help you find comfort and navigate the process of grieving – for yourself and others.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is one of the hardest things to do. In our grief, God comforts. This book will show you how to move through the grief process and how to make sense of your emotions. Discover the comfort and promises of God’s Word and how to help others cope with loss.
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